What if you were the one who fell for me?
Would you wait for me to go online
and waste minutes just so you could talk to me?
Would you make up a topic so you could have a longer conversation with me?
Would you?

I wonder if you’ll do the same.
What if I’m the one who’s being cold?
Would you feel bad too?
Would you wait for days so that you won’t be that obvious?
Would you walk in the streets for 8 hours
Hoping by chance you’d see me there?
Would you?

Would you send me an anonymous text message just to ask me where I am?
Would you feel the same way I’ve felt for you?
Would you be planning for the following months?
Will I be a part of that plan?
Would you be worried if I’ve forgotten or remembered you?
Would you wish that I was by your side?
Would you?

If only things were like that…
Yeah, what if?
Just what if?
Will I be able to feel like this too?

-Judy 

It’s not always safe to “Play Safe”. Sometimes you need to go out of your shell and explore and try on new things. A masterpiece is a result of your creative juices mixed together to formulate one great output that’ll will define who you really are. I need to try and learn new stuff such as Adobe Illustrator, Maya (recommended by Eric), and digital painting in CS5. By the end of the year, I must be able to working on at least one of these design softwares. In the end, I’ll be the one who’s going to benefit.

For now, I need to finish our Magazine and Newspaper.. and work on this goal.

Never stay longer in your comfort zone coz you might end up having the same monotonous outputs and you’ll realize.. Life is boring if you always live by your rules. Try breaking your rules once in a while, who knows.. by breaking those rules, you’ll be able to learn new things and live by it in the near future. Never limit yourself to one or two experiences. Remember: Experience is unlimited, and it is the best teacher you could ever have.

I don’t want to turn forty and ask myself, “Was I ever happy?”, or look at young people dive, climb or race and say, “I wish I could’ve done that when I was younger and when I didn’t have arthritis”. I don’t want any regrets. It’s way better to regret what you’ve done than do nothing and lie in bed later, asking “What if?”

Minsan na tanong ko sarili ko kung masaya ba ako sa buhay ko ngayon.. sabi ko lang “malamang.. tumatawa nga ako eh”. And that hit me.. di porket tumatawa, masaya na. Minsan sa likod ng tawa may mga masasakit na karanasan na kailangang takpan para di mahalata ng ibang tao. May follow up question ako sa sarili ko, ano ba ang makakapagpasaya sa akin? “Ano nga ba?” art? si crush? family? di ko alam eh. I even asked myself what is happiness nga ba? Tama na ba yung makuha mo yung bagay na gusto mo? 

Hanggang ngayon tanong ko pa rin yan sa sarili ko. And when I read that quote (yung nsa taas).. that hit me. I NEED TO DECIDE ON THE THINGS THAT WILL REALLY MAKE ME HAPPY (DI LANG PANG TEMPORARY PWEDENG PANG FOREVER NA DIN) dahil kung hindi ngayon, kelan pa? Kapag uugod-ugod na ako at di na pantay mga ngipin ko?

So bago ako matulog, I’m leaving my thoughts with one question? or actually two.

• Masaya ka ba?
• Ano ba magpapasaya sa yo?

Ayun, sana sooner.. masagot ko na siya. =) Help me Lord.

Pumunta akong Maynila. Last Friday. Oo, 3 days ako dun at 2 nights. Graphika Manila ang mismong rason kung ba’t ako dumalo. Grabeh, ang saya ng weekend ko. Dumating kami sa Maynila nung Friday mga 9am siguro yun. Tas, dumiretso kami ng Trinoma. Dun kami nagpalipas ng oras habang di pa oras ng check in namin sa hotel. Ang kewl. Ewan, basta nasiyahan ako nung time na yun. :)

Syeet. Ang kewl ng GM (Graphika Manila)! Yung mga speakers grabe! Hanep! Idol ko si Dan Matutina at sina Nico & Katwo Puertellano ng 27+20. Na amaze ako sa galing nila at humor siyempre! At di ako makapaniwala, na meet namin yung isa sa mga tao sa likod ng napakatanyag na 3D animation na Avatar, si Kevin Smith ng WETA Digital at yung cooooool na tao sa likod ng mga astig na MVs at Ads, si PJ Richardson ng Laundry. Eff, I swear.. Di ako nagsisisi na malaki ang nagastos ko para sa GM. It’s all worth it naman eh.

And guess what, nakita ko rin yung idol kong doodler… si DHEL! Haha. Kaso, nahiya akong kausapin siya. Ayokong magmukhang FC. Haha. :) Ang galing ng weekend ko. Fantastic!

Nakakapagod na araw to. TGIF.. makakabawi ako ng tulog bukas. Super saya ng araw kong ito. Andaming nangyari sa loob ng isang araw (akalain mo ‘yun?). Anyways, matutulog na ako.

Goodnight tumblristas! :)

Ah, ewan ko. Ang gulo namin. Di ko maintindihan.. may times naman na napaka okay namin tas biglaang magiging awkward yung feeling sa pagitan naming dalawa. Minsan nga’y nakukuha pa naming magbiruan.. pero dumarating talaga yung panahon na wala… dead air.

Ewan ko ba ba’t ba ako naba-bother ng ganito? He’s just a friend. FRIEND. Capital F-R-I-E-N-D. (Weh? Friend? Ba’t ka nagseselos?) Ay tangena.. di ako nagseselos.. Sumasama lang loob ko (Eh pareho din yun eh!).. Actually, naguguluhan ako sa sarili ko ngayon.. May times na okay naman ako.. may times na hinahanap ko siya eh ang labo naman naming magkita everyday. Kahit nga ang lapit-lapit na ng distansya. Hay naku nalang.

Lord tama na to puhleasse. Iba nalang kase. Sige na.. Si ano nalang kase.. Si *toooot*. :) Tenkyu Lord. Aasahan ko yan! :)

Goodnight Tumblristas! :)

KASI NGA NAKACHAT KO YUNG CRUSH KOO. AAHHH! OO, ganyan ka babaw ang kaligayahan ko. Sorry. Haha. :) Simpleng conversation lang naman, pero kiber nalang.. the fact na nakachat ko siya at nagkausap kami ay okay na (ambait mo Lord!).

At.. may chance na magkita kami this end of the month!! Saaabeehh! Kaya I’ll do everything para makapunta ako ng Graphika Manila!! Bahala na. It’s a matter of life and death na ‘kamo. Haha.

I know, mukha na akong tanga.. pero pakialam ba nila eh masaya ako eh. Masayang masayang masaya. AAAAHHH! Umaapaw! Ang londeh lungs. Heh.. See you soon, Crush! :*

PS Nakuha pa nyang mag joke! Kileeeeg. :* (Para na akong ewan)

Best smiley ever: ;)

• I am extremely happy when I’m with you.
• There were no wasted moments everytime I get the opportunity to be with you.
• I love it when we have the same thoughts and ended up laughing at it like crazy.
• I really love those times when you teach me random crazy stuffs.
• With you, I don’t need to wear a mask.. I can totally be myself.
• I miss spending time with you..
• I wish to spend my forever with you.
• I miss you- I mean, I really really miss you. =(

May pasok pa ako bukas. Ano ba to? Akala ko laway, luha pala.. Napuwing kasi ako (shet.. palusot.com). Ay ang sakit.. pero wala akong choice. Alangan namang magmakaawa ako diba? Masaya siya. Good things come to those who wait ‘ka mo sabi nila. I’ll wait until I finally forget the main reason why I’m waiting. 

Hayy life. Goodnight tumblristas. I miss you. Thank you for reading my never ending rants about my shitty love life. 

SO YEAH. Confirmed. Di siya echos lang.. totoo talaga yung balitang yun. So pano? Move on, move on nalang tayo. Hindi kasi ako yung tipo na nagdu-dwell sa isang bagay na alam ko namang walang chance o talagang walang patutunguhan. Kontento na ako sa kung ano yung pwede kong ma gain o matutunan sa experience na ‘yun. Siyempre, parte din yung feeling na masakit (di naman maiiwasan yun diba). Pero sa bawat sakit, I’m sure may mangyayaring maganda rin in the future.

Siguro, hindi ko pa talaga time ngayon.. Maybe may hinahanda Siyang mas better, mas deserving.. mas okay. Siguro in time, makikita ko rin yun. Kaso di nga lang ngayon.. Hindi nga lang siya..Okay lang yan. Go lang sa life. It all happens for a reason. A very good reason. :)

DI KO INI-EXPECT TO. I DIDN’T SEE THIS COMING. Seryoso. Ba’t ang sakit? Shet, naluluha ako. No tears please! Nakakapagod na kase.. I should have expected this shit to happen. AAAHH!! Bakit ko ba nafi-feel to? Tama na oh. Lord, kunin mo na to. Ayoko nang makaramdam ng ganito.

Di ako yung tipo ng taong naglalasing kapag umiinom. Di naman ako palaging umiinom eh. Kumbaga occasional lang. Pero lately, naghahanap talaga ‘tong dila ko ng lasa ng T. Ice o yung usual naming tinitimpla (The Bar + Juice). Ewan ko.. ba’t ako nagkakaganito. Siguro nakasanayan ko na last year, pagkatapos ng layout session, inuman kaagad ang pinupuntahan. Inaamin ko, mejo naging pasaway ako.. Pero pramis, alam ko kung hanggang saan lang makakaya ko.

Kaya kaibigan, halika.. shot tayo.

That awkward moment when you see your crush with another girl and he greeted you and you were giving your very best fake smile and act as if you’re not affected.

Pero totoo lang, di ko na feel kanina to. Posible bang, nakapag-move on na ako? Or unti-unti nang nasasanay ‘tong puso ko na makita ang ganung eksena kaya kiber na lang ang lahat? Ewan. Basta, wala akong awkward feeling na naramdaman habang binabati ko siya. I even gave him my best smile pero swear, di ‘yun fake or choreographed. Basta na lang yun lumabas. Sana naman Lord, totohanan na talaga ang “pamu-move on” kong drama.. Go lang. Sana tuloy-tuloy na to. Kung move on, edi MOVE ON na talaga.. Di na joke joke lang. Hayy buhay. Wish me luck, okay?

Written by: (Yours truly) Judy Rose Sayson
copyright protected

PS I’m not a pro in editing stuffs such as grammar and other usage.. I just love writing what’s on my mind and please.. Please feel free to correct any mistakes I’ve made in this story. Thank You. (Geeez, I’m having butterflies in my stomach right nahhhw.)

Hi I’m Alex, I’m seventeen.. and let me tell you a story.

 There’s this girl who once had a crush on a guy. He was her next door neighbor and high school classmate. She would usually wait for him every morning when he goes to school. They were childhood best friends. But he has no idea that she’s falling for him. He would usually give her a piggy-back ride on their way home after school, then buy her her favorite sidewalk foods. Then she’d sing him a love song the one that pleases his ear and they’d end up sitting on a bench and watch at the sunset together. They’d usually hold hands and talk about the most random silliest stuff they’d ever remember and then laugh at their own weirdness. You see, they’re that close. He sees her as his younger sister, but she sees him as the man she’ll be with for the rest of her life. One day, she decided to go alone in the park. She sat under the tree and wrote on her journal.

                Dear Coby,

We’ve been friends for like forever. I know you’ll never see me as someone whom you wanted to be with for the rest of your life.. but you know what? That’s how I see us years from now. But I guess, that’d be too impossible. Well, I’m contented being your friend, oh.. I mean your best friend. At least I would still be right next to you. But what if one day, you’ll find her? What about me? I’m scared that one day, our friendship will be taken for granted for we will be living our separated lives. You’re going to love somebody else, while me? Still hoping and praying that we’d end up together. Silly me. Coby, I love you so much… and I won’t allow anyone to hurt you. That’s a promise.

Love,

D

Just in time she finished writing on her journal, she sees him approaching the big old tree. She stood up, looked at the tree and saw their initials carved on it. It says, “C & D- Best Friends Forever”. She smiled and walked towards him.. He asked her why she didn’t wait for him then she showed him her journal. Yes, he was fully aware that she keeps a journal. But he has no idea that all the entries written were about him. As in ALL, in capital letters. Then, he just nodded. He grabbed her hands, dragged her to the ice cream vendor and bought some for her. He really know how to pacify her. He knows that whenever she writes on her journal, she’s not feeling well and only ice cream could take away all of it… ice cream and the guy standing in front of her… her best friend. Oh, how she loves her best friend.

One day, they had a misunderstanding. They ignored each other for like a week. Then, she can’t take it anymore.. She misses him so much, so much and it’s killing her. She sent him an email, trying to confess everything to him, her feelings… her love for him.

                To: coby101@mail.com

                From: Dgirlnxtdoor@mail.com

                Subject: I’m sorry. READ THIS.

                                Coby,

You probably are wondering why I emailed you when in fact I can just go next door and knock. Hey, I’m trying to make the biggest decision in my life right now. So don’t you even dare shut this computer down… okay, I’M SORRY. I’m sorry for being so stubborn and immature. I’m sorry for making you angry all the time. I’m sorry for being such a brat. I know, I’ve gone beyond my limits and everything went out of control. I’m sorry for causing you too much worries and everything. I’m sorry because I’ve fallen in love with you.  Yes, I am in love with you since third grade. I should’ve not felt this because in the first place you only see me as a younger sister.. nothing more than that. You’d always see me as the little girl who calms down whenever she was given an ice cream. To tell you honestly, I only calm down if it’s from you. You may think that what I’m feeling for you is nothing permanent.. but I tell you, it is. I’ve tried so many times to get rid of this feeling but it keeps on coming back. It’s like a disease that can’t be cured anymore. Coby, I LOVE YOU. I am not expecting anything from you. It’s just that I can’t handle it anymore, I can’t just keep this inside my heart. I have been loving and will always love you. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for not giving up on me… until now. I’m sorry.

Love,

D

\Email Sent

The next day, on her way to school… She saw him. He just passed by her. No hi, nor hello. They’re like total strangers. Then she just braced herself for more awkward moments starting that day. No more, C & D. No more piggy-back ride. No more sunsets. No more ice creams. No more best friend. It hurts the hell out of her, but she has no choice but to go with it. She was the one who made this decision, so she’d stick unto it no matter what. She tried calling him but he just hanged up on her. She texted him, but still no reply. Nada. She went to the park, under the tree where their names were carved… No signs of him. Then she suddenly felt, she was so alone. With no one to turn to… She cried under the tree, looked at the carvings… she draw a strike through line on their initials, the line that marks the end of their friendship. Then she cried and cried and then everything went blur. She had fallen asleep under the tree.

Hours later, she felt someone tapping her shoulders. At first, she didn’t bother to wake up, but then she realized that she was still in the park. She saw him.. he was the one who’s waking her up. Then comes the deafening silence. She looked at him, he looked at her. She stood up, walked away without uttering any words. She’s too hurt to say a word. She’s too scared to say anything. He ran after her, tried to stop her and hugged her tight. That moment, she burst into tears. She didn’t know what she’s feeling at the moment. Is she happy? Sad? Or Hurt? She cannot distinguish. She just wanted to cry. He wiped her tears. Hugged her tightly without uttering a single word. They just stayed like that. Then finally, he got enough courage to speak. He told her he’s sorry, he is sorry for being such a jerk. For hurting her, for causing her too much pain, for being so immature that he almost ruined their friendship. She just cried. Then comes the part that she never expected. He handed her a letter that says, “READ IT LATER”, and pulled out a box. Inside the box, was a locket necklace where his and her pictured was placed. He said that was his peace offering.. then later on offered to bring her home.

Upon arriving home, she then opened the letter and read it. Once again, she cried, this time not because she’s hurt. But because she’s too happy.

                Dear Drea,

                                I am sorry for being such a jerk. I know I shouldn’t have done that. You see, I’m not so good with words… so yeah, I’m so sorry for hurting you big time. Tomorrow, when you wake up, look outside your window. I have a surprise for you.

Love,

Your One and Only Best Friend, Coby.

She smiled and folded the letter. She inserted it in her journal and wrote a little note about it.

                Coby never fails to make me smile. ^_^ I love you Coby!

Morning came, she kinda woke up late. She remembered his letter. Look outside your window, I have a surprise for you.She hurriedly went to the window and there she saw Coby carrying a bouquet of roses. Beside him was her easel board with a painted canvass, below the canvass were the words, WILL YOU BE MY GIRL FOREVER? She didn’t know how to react. She hurriedly run downstairs, gave him a big hug and smiled for she can’t say a single word out of happiness. YES of course! She wanted to be his girl forever… She wanted to be with him forever! So she gave him her sweetest YES. Then, he pulled out another box, this time inside the box was a ring. No, not an engagement ring.. It’s a forever ring, he said. Through that ring, they’d be together forever no matter what happens, he will love her for the rest of his life. Then starting that day, they’d officially became a couple. C & D forever and ever.

And that girl was me. My full name is Alexandrea, he used to call me Drea. Coby & Drea forever.